I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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