the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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