Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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