my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
