Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
