My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies