Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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So much puke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper