remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
