I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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