are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
