My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
