Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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