im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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