I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
