I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
