just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
