I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
