I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
