She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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