you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
