Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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