Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
