new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
