You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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