I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
