I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
