She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize