dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
