Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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