This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
