dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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