i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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