wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
