Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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