Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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