you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
