Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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