apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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