Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
