There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
