so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
