Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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