When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
