My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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