So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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