there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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