I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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