Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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