this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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