the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
