So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
