my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
