I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
