the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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