please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
