The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
