Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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