She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
