She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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