she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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