I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
