There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
