I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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