great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
