theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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