I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
