My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
