dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
