Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
